Saturday, July 18, 2009

Dithery, nasty, and wussy

Always good for an endorphin crash, James Howard Kuntsler patiently explains yet again that life as Americans know it is like so over. Conventional economic growth is laughably unlikely. At best, the American economy might undergo a transformation in which the standard of living no longer will be “measured in things like shopping mall sales and vehicle miles driven.”

“We have an awful lot to get real about.”

Well then, we’re well and truly screwed because Americans don’t get real about things very well. Not measuring out our lives in vehicle miles driven and shopping mall purchases may well be beyond the limits of American imagination.

We’ve had an awful lot of things to get real about for nearly a half-century, yet Americans keep cheerfully electing officials who are dithery, nasty, and wussy -- sometimes all at the same time. Then we obediently aid and abet them in the consumption of enormous amounts of money and time to build not much and to achieve even less.

Americans getting real about getting real? I don't think so.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Audiobooks I’d really like to see, I mean hear


AWOL on the Appalachian Trail (en espanol)

Narrated by Maria Belen Chapur, with English commentary by Gov. Mark Sanford





Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream

Narrated by Kenneth Branagh





Donovan McNabb: Leader On and Off the Field

Narrated by Rush Limbaugh





What I Saw at the Revolution: A Political Life in the Reagan Era

Narrated by Rosie Perez





Our Family Has Cancer, Too!

Narrated by Newt Gingrich





ADHD & Me: What I Learned From Lighting Fires at the Dinner Table

Narrated by Glenn Beck

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The ape in the anteroom, or: The missing link

Never trust a blogger who refuses to provide links for the articles he cites as substantiating evidence.

There’s just something off about Paul L. Williams, PhD. It’s not just that he uses the phrase the ape in the anteroom in his post about the Sotomayor confirmation hearings, something more than a little tone deaf for someone who (allegedly) holds a doctorate in philosophical theology. It’s also that he scrupulously avoids providing links, something more than a little odd for someone who (allegedly) once wrote a dissertation.

In his Sotomayor column, Williams goes full-tilt Aztlan-o-phobic and cherry picks articles with “lurid titles” that have appeared on an Aztlan website to “substantiate” his claim that Judge Sotomayor -- by group taint apparently -- is pro-Islam and anti-Israel.
In addition, La Raza and other Latino activist groups have expressed widespread anti-Jewish sentiments and support for radical Islam. This finding is supported by articles in “The Voice of Aztlan” with such lurid titles as “That Shitty Little Country Israel,” “Pat Tillman Got What Was coming to Him,” and “Osama bin Laden: the ‘Pancho Villa’ of Islam.”
Williams doesn’t link to the articles, and it’s not because of simple link laziness. If you read the articles with the “lurid titles” -- something Williams obviously does not want his readers to bother with, you’ll find more nuanced thinking than Williams himself is capable of. Of course, the articles themselves undercut Williams' laughable hyperbole.

Here’s an excerpt from the opening of the 2002 article, Osama bin Laden: The ‘Pancho Villa’ of Islam.
"Villa is everywhere but Villa is nowhere" was the telegraphed message sent to Washington D. C. by General John J. Pershing after failing to capture the elusive and brilliant military strategist of the Mexican Revolution….

The U.S. Army Punitive Expedition consisting of 10,000 troops went as far south as Parral, Chihuahua but gave up catching General Villa after an 11 month search. General Villa… proved too evasive for John "Black Jack" Pershing [because he] knew every rock, every stream, every cave, and every cactus of the immense sierra of Chihuahua.

Today, we are hearing similar accounts concerning the search for Osama bin Laden by the U.S. Special Forces expedition into Afghanistan under the command of General Tommy Franks. Yesterday General Franks as well as the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) sent a message to President George Bush that they believe that Osama bin Laden has managed to escape…. Like Pancho Villa, it looks like Osama bin Laden has outsmarted the U.S. military generals.
Beyond the “lurid title” is a brief, straightforward account of two guerilla leaders and a consideration of their folk hero status among aggrieved populations. To Paul L. Williams, PhD, this article supports his finding that La Raza and, by extension, Sonia Sotomayor are pro-Islam.

The 2004 column about Tillman, Pat Tillman Is Not a Hero: He Got What Was Coming to Him, does not live up to its “lurid title” in terms of bluntness. If anything, the article has gained a poignant irony when you realize that it was written before the US military revealed -- after first covering up -- the fact that Tillman had died by friendly fire.

And there are double reverse bonus points for That Shitty Little Country Israel since the “lurid title” is actually a comment (and is enclosed within quotation marks as such in the article’s original posting) made by a French ambassador.

Paul L. Williams, PhD, you should be ashamed.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Whimsical, in their way

Laughed myself silly with Awesomely Bad (and Funny) Student Responses to Test Questions.



And as a former English teacher (centuries ago), I insist that you read the works of Peter Nguyen, “the king of awesomely bad essays.”

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Hustle and grift

Dear Chaplain Klingenschmitt:

Thank you for your recent offer to fax Congress on my behalf, warning them against the Matthew Shepherd Hate Crime Bill, also known as HR1913 and S909IS.

I was astonished to learn, as you detailed in the sample fax message, that the Matthew Shepherd Hate Crime Bill will “codif[y] protection of up to 547 types of sexually deviant behaviors.” Astonished, first, because that’s a huge number -- the Devil surely has a very good imagination indeed! Second, by the precise count -- certainly an admirable endeavor by all those involved. And third, by the fact that none of these behaviors is actually mentioned in either bill.

As carefully as I read the bills, I couldn’t find even the Top Eight Sexually Deviant Behaviors that are conveniently listed in your fax. No doubt yet another example of sloppy legislation on the part of those we send to Washington!


Incidentally, the correct term is frottage -- French, of course -- not fronteurism. I know this because of a rather unfortunate incident that occurred on a crowded elevator one day. Fronteurism sounds too American and wholesome to be a nasty sex thing; it conjures up images of John Wayne riding the wide open plains rather than aggressive buttocks rubbing.

Anyway, your kind offer to fax Congress for just $99 is very generous. As I figure it, that’s only about 18 cents per kinky sex act, a real bargain in today’s economy. Unfortunately, even at that reasonable rate, my family cannot spare the $99 at this time; I’m sure you’ll understand.

I am, however, enclosing a quarter. Would you please apply it towards urophilia.

Yours in Christ and sexual repression,

Grace Nearing

Saturday, July 11, 2009

A special public service announcement

You might want to get this laminated: How to Tell If You’re in the Next Sacha Baron Cohen Movie: A Handy Flowchart.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Sic transit bullshittia

CNBC’s Jim Cramer considered former Mets and Phillies outfielder Lenny Dykstra “one of the great ones” in stock picking,* and allowed Dykstra to give options-trading advice on Cramer’s website, TheStreet.com. In a 6-page article, Fortune magazine called Dykstra the “fledgling guru” of investing. The always brash Dykstra claimed that he had a 90%-plus return (red flag anyone?) picking stocks for 2005 through 2008, and he frequently appeared as a celebrity financial expert on FOX News and other programs.

Sic transit bullshittia.

Lenny Dykstra just filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Court documents reveal that he has less than $50,000 in assets and between $10 million and $50 million in debts.

Mr. Nearing is dumbfounded. Both Mr. N. and Mr. Dykstra are big-time Strat-O-Matic players, and Mr. N. cannot believe that any S-O-M geek could ever let his stats go so awry. I keep telling him: the stock market is not a board game, even if the board game comes complete with dice.



*And if that ain't the kiss of death, honey....